As hard as it might be to believe, not every tweet is about the Queen’s Platinum Jubilee. Here, in this collection of 25 excellent tweets from the past seven days, not a single person has typed the words ‘balcony’, ‘bunting’ or ‘platty joobs’.
If you like them, give them a retweet or a follow.
1.
Attention: everyone named “Steven/Stephen.” It’s either “ph” or “v” – you choose. But it can only be one. You have 5 days.
— RainnWilson (@rainnwilson) May 29, 2022
2.
i just need people to understand that before cell phones we had to call landlines and your friend's parents would answer and YOU HAD TO TALK TO THEIR PARENTS until your friend came to the phone
— Emma Bolden (@emmabo) May 30, 2022
3.
I don't understand how a snake even begins to organize a trip like that. pic.twitter.com/uDgMaHCrn2
— jim rose circus (@jimrosecircus1) May 30, 2022
4.
Times I’ve served soup with my ladle: 0
Times I’ve been prevented from opening/closing a drawer by my ladle: 18,971
— Rick Aaron (@RickAaron) May 30, 2022
5.
i won’t rest until we get a netflix category where we can be on our phones and still understand the plot.
— .:RiotGrl:. (@RiotGrlErin) May 29, 2022
6.
“We have an idea for a video game. Picture a big gorilla on top of some metal framing hurling barrels at a plumber.”
That could not make any less sense. What’s the gorillas first name
“Donkey”
— bewg (@bewgtweets) May 30, 2022
7.
Read someone say, "just had a Starbucks lemon water with sugar Yumm!"
I never claimed to have an IQ higher than the temperature inside a refrigerator but I believe that's called lemonade..
— not now (@6SenseIsCommon) May 30, 2022
8.
This might explain all those Missing Cat posters. pic.twitter.com/AwRzBzCecp
— rab livingstone (@rablivingstone) May 30, 2022
9.
Currently listening to my mom leave a voicemail so long and detailed JRR Tolkien is playing wrap-up music from his grave.
— Lefty
(@LeftySheridan) May 30, 2022
10.
Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish he'll be buried in student loan debt and can't get a job with his fishing degree
— geeky steven (@geekysteven) May 29, 2022
11.
Just a heads up that Terry from the factory has misplaced his bag of pet spiders. If anyone finds 4000 spiders in their pack of tea in a couple of weeks, please DM us and don't tell the papers. Cheers.
— Yorkshire Tea (@YorkshireTea) May 30, 2022
12.
when life serves you weenies—have a roast pic.twitter.com/0MOMmtfH3f
— NurseBrianRN (@rn_murse) May 29, 2022
The post 25 favourite funny tweets of the week appeared first on The Poke.
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