Picture the scene: you’re dating someone and they realise things aren’t quite right. They ponder how to end things in a way that won’t leave you feeling absolutely rubbish, but that frees them up to date other people. Just as they settle on the perfect emotionally sensitive speech to deliver, the coronavirus pandemic hits.
Suddenly they’re confronted with a whole new set of unexpected challenges.
Perhaps you moved in together at the start of lockdown, thinking that maybe their uncertainty would fade and at least you’d have someone close by for companionship.
Maybe your relationship became long-distance, and breaking up over Zoom (and thus partaking in the zumping trend) felt inappropriate.
Or maybe you struggled during Covid-19, with family illness, job loss, or just the crushing stress of living through a pandemic, and your partner didn’t want to look horrible by throwing a breakup into the mix.
However things went down, your partner is now biding their time for when it will feel okay to end things.
The unsettling thing is that this might not be a hypothetical… you could be hurtling towards a post-lockdown dumping without even having an inkling of what’s about to happen.
The good news is that there are likely signs you can spot that a breakup may be imminent. That might not lessen the pain of a broken heart, but at least you won’t be blindsided, right?
Here are five signs to look out for.
1. You’ve disappeared from their social media
If you’ve been isolating separately, it’s easy to see that as an easy explanation for why you’re no longer showing up on their Insta feed – you haven’t done anything ‘grammable together, after all.
But take a closer look. Did they mention you loads on their Stories pre-lockdown? Have you been screenshotting your video calls and adding love hearts, while they’ve not mentioned you once in the last few months?
What about other ways of engaging? Have they stopped liking and commenting on your pics? Have they quietly removed evidence that you’re a couple?
Life coach Michael Cloonan explains that removing a partner from social media is an ‘easy way to begin picturing life without them’, so this could be a slow phasing out of your connection.
2. They seem irritable whenever you speak
Fluctuations in mood are normal – especially in the stress of a pandemic.
But if your partner seems consistently withdrawn, annoyed, or grumpy, that might indicate that they’re thinking about ending things but just don’t know how.
Try talking to them about how they’re feeling. Either they open up and you can help them deal with what’s going on, or they shut down, and you can see something’s not right between you.
3. They’re unavailable
Let’s be blunt. Lockdown has given us a load more spare time, so if your other half seems to suddenly have a booked and busy calendar – so much so they can’t spare a minute for a video chat – that should raise alarm bells.
‘If they start to pick-up new classes at the gym, overload themselves with projects at work, or simply put, are rarely at home and spending time with you, be wary,’ says Michael.
‘Screening becomes the new routine as they become increasingly difficult to pin-down. Sometimes, when we can’t face a situation like breaking-up with our partner, ghosting is an easier (but more destructive) solution.’
4. They won’t talk about making future plans
Keep an eye out for how your partner reacts when you talk about something in the future – whether that’s just a weekend getaway in a few months time or the big stuff of buying a house together.
If they refuse to engage, that’s a sign they’re not planning a future with you in it.
5. They’re less intimate
‘They’re less intimate – if your partner is debating dumping you, the process will see them treat you more as a friend than a lover,’ says Michael. ‘If your sex life grows sparser, and they treat it more as a chore or duty than a moment of intimacy, or conversely, you have more sex than hanging out, be cautious.’
The answer of what to do if you spot these signs is simple, but not particularly fun.
You’ll need to calmly open up a conversation with the person you’re dating to see what’s going on.
Don’t jump to conclusions – while these signs can point to a breakup, they can also signal personal issues that you just don’t know about. Don’t go in all guns blazing, demanding to know why they’re ending things.
Ask open questions and check in with how your partner is actually feeling in themselves and about the relationship. Either you end up connecting on a deeper level, or you get to have a mature, honest conversation about moving on.
Do you have a story to share?
Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.
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